Port A 6/26/07

I like having my dental work done offshore. I have an annual fishing trip with oral surgeon who's wife hates my guts. The goal of the trip is to get my teeth fixed. I've been doing this for years and every year it's interesting. Last year he had a bad case of the gout and his feet were very swollen. In the process of getting drunk, he fell overboard. He also broke a Cape Fear rod with a Stella on it. Those went overboard along with a Sat Nav phone. Today was another interesting trip.

I was doing some business about 50 miles from Port A and it took longer than expected. I didn't hit the island till noon. I noticed the wind was blowing so I selected some inshore tackle and went to pick him up.
This guy's wife hates my guts. She thinks I get him drunk every year. I'm not going to stop a guy from drinking if he's going to give me free dental work.

I had talked him earlier in the morning to tell him I would be late. When I pulled up to his house, he was sitting in his SUV with a new looking boat behind it. He insisted we take out his new boat. I informed him that it was going to be choppy and a bigger boat would be a better choice. He flat out so no. My trip with him each year is his only offshore trip. He's a big bay fisherman and has no offshore friends. The only reason I said yes was because he had already packed food, booze, ice, bait and dental tools and supplies in his boat.

We float the boat and he pulls out a couple of Cuban cigars. I really like this boat he purchased. It was a 24' Everglades with a 225 four stroke Honda. The boat is built like a brick shiet house. Very well laid out with a nice fiberglass T-Top that was attached by a heavy duty welded aluminum tubing. I new we would get some spray on us but the seas that greeted us were unexpected by both of us. After we broke the end of the jetty's we were in solid 6's. It didn't take long before bow was being buried by waves. The water was pouring over the bow and crashing against the consol.

I recommended a heading to the tankers sitting about 5 miles offshore. I wanted to get on the leeward side of the ships so we get the dental work out of the way. We got drenched. There was some 8's in the mix. Anyway, it wasn't real bad next to the tankers, and he proceeded to attack my teeth after I had put out a couple of drifting ribbon fish. He was using this portable dremmel tool to clean out a filling. As we drifted away from the tanker, one of clickers started screaming and reached to grab the rod. In doing so, he apparently forgot he still had the drill in my mouth. He drilled a hole in my tongue. Blood was flowing all over me.

As the fish got closer to the boat, I asked him where he kept the gaff. He didn't have one. It was about a 15 pound kingfish. I grabbed it by the tail and told him to hand me a billy club. He didn't have one. He asked for some hookouts. He didn't have any. We've now drifted back into the seas and this kingfish is pissed. I told him to give some slack in the line and I'll just swing his head against his aluminum tubing on the consol. When I slung the fish towards the pipe, it slipped out of my hands and went head first into the doc's chest.

What a mess. Those 3 hook ribbonfish leaders did a number on him. The fish is still hooked in the mouth and the other two hooks are stuck on the doc's shirt. This fish is very much alive and mad. The Doc was still chewing on his water soaked cigar and yelling commands at me. I told him to shut up and get the fish in a Bear Hug while I try to find something to crush his head. He falls down to the deck with this kingfish still flapping his jaws. The only thing I could find real fast was the fire extinguisher. I lifted up the fire extinguisher and took a swing hitting the fish in the head and the doc in the lower jaw. The fish is now subdued and so is the Doc. He was out cold.

I poured some ice on him to snap him out of it. His open and he says, "Get this damn fish off me and find some pliers to get these hooks out of my chest." Well, it's not my boat and I don't know where he keeps anything. The only thing I could find was this tooth extracting tool in his medical bag. What a weird tool. It didn't' work. I finally found a filet knife and cut the fishes head off. Did I mention we are in 6-8 footers at this time. All of sudden, the other reel starts screaming off line. I forgot all about it was still drifting behind us.

To shorten up the story, we arrived back at the dock with two freshly fired up cigars and a stiff drink in our hands. The Doc was still wearing a kingfish head attached to his shirt and chest. What a sight. We loaded up the boat and went back to his house. His wife went berserk. That woman really hates me.