Circle Flies

Discussion in 'Jokes and Funny Things' started by Snagged, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. Snagged

    Snagged Senior Member

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    Circle Flies



    A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary Clinton is attending, trying to gather more support for her nomination. Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

    She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called. But, I've never heard of circle flies."

    "Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    "Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

    "No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."

    "That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best cowboy drawl says, "It sure is hard to fool them flies though."
     
  2. Uncle Russ

    Uncle Russ Senior Member

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    Snagged: You should be ashamed of yourself--rejecting and belittling the next President of the United States that way--leave that to her husband.

    Think about it when old Bill is back in the White House--guzzling sour mash and Viagra and waddling around with his boxers down around his wing tips, chasing the female staff.

    By then, instead of sexual harrassment and perjury, they will have to charge him with Assault with a Dead Weapon.

    Russ
     

  3. lite-liner

    lite-liner troll enforcement Staff Member

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    Jerry- Just so you know......
    I just forewarded that to all my California lib & feminist family members.
    that oughtta piss 'em off.:D
    is that wrong?
    -B:cool:
     
  4. Snagged

    Snagged Senior Member

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    Russ,
    You CANNOT fool circle flies! :D

    Brian,
    Nothing wrong with telling the truth. :rolleyes: :D
     
  5. Gunsmoke

    Gunsmoke Guest

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    One would have to assume that Snagged will not place a Hillary vote!!:)
    The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner,
    think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR/MY tax money.



    A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,

    but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some
    perspective in one of its releases.





    A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.



    B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.



    C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.



    D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.



    E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and

    20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.



    While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New
    Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.



    Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for

    $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?



    A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of

    New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.



    B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in

    New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.



    C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family

    gets $2,066,012.



    Washington , D.C

    . HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculat ors broken??



    Tax his land,

    Tax his wage,

    Tax his bed in which he lays.

    Tax his tractor,

    Tax his mule,

    Teach him taxes is the rule.

    Tax his cow,

    Tax his goat,

    Tax his pants,

    Tax his coat.



    Tax his ties,

    Tax his shirts,

    Tax his work,

    Tax his dirt.



    Tax his tobacco,

    Tax his drink,

    Tax him if he tries to think.



    Tax his booze,

    Tax his beers,

    If he cries,

    Tax his tears.



    Tax his bills,

    Tax his gas,

    Tax his notes,

    Tax his cash.



    Tax him good and let him know

    That after taxes, he has no dough.



    If he hollers,

    Tax him more,

    Tax him until he's good and sore.



    Tax his coffin,

    Tax his grave,

    Tax the sod in which he lays.

    Put these words upon his tomb,

    'Taxes dro ve me to my doom!'



    And when he's gone,

    We won't relax,

    We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!





    Accounts Receivable Tax

    Building Permit Tax

    CDL License Tax

    Cigarette Tax

    Corporate Income Tax

    Dog License Tax

    Federal Income Tax

    Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)

    Fishing License Tax

    Food License Tax

    Fuel Perm it Tax

    Gasoline Tax

    Hunting License Tax

    Inheritance Tax

    Inventory Tax

    IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),

    IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),

    Liquor Tax,

    Luxury Tax,

    Marriage License Tax,

    Medicare Tax,

    Property Tax,

    Real Estate Tax,

    Service charge taxes,

    Social Security Tax,

    Road Usage Tax (Truckers),

    Sales Taxes,

    Recreational Vehicle Tax,

    School Tax,

    State Income Tax,

    State Unemployme nt Tax (SUTA),

    Telephone Federal Excise Tax,

    Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,

    Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,

    Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,

    Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,

    Telephone State and Local Tax,

    Telephone Usage Charge Tax,

    Utility Tax,

    Vehicle License Registration Tax,

    Vehicle Sales Tax,

    Watercraft Registration Tax,

    Well Permit Tax,

    Workers Compensation Tax.





    STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

    Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago ,

    and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

    We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world,

    and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.



    What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'



    And I still have to 'press 1' for English.

    (I've starting asking what button I press for Polish.)