Anger Management

Discussion in 'Jokes and Funny Things' started by Gunsmoke, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. Gunsmoke

    Gunsmoke Guest

    558
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    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
    forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
    answered, saying 'Hello.'

    I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
    Carter?' Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right
    f**in' number!' And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't
    believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's
    correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
    transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
    again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, 'You're an a**hole!'
    and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'axxhole' next to
    it, and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
    day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a**hole!' It always
    cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole'
    calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi,
    this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're
    familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed
    down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because
    you're a**hole!'

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
    spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I
    had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been
    waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For
    Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had
    his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW
    asshole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the b lack BMW for sale?'

    'Yes, it is', he said.

    'Can you tell me where I can see it?' I asked.

    'Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
    and the car's parked right out in front.'

    'What's your name?' I asked.

    'My name is Don Hansen,' he said.

    'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

    'I'm home every evening after five.'

    'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' 'Yes?'

    'Don, you're an a**hole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call. Then I came
    up with an idea. I called a**hole #1.

    'Hello.'

    'You're an a**hole!' I said, but I didn't hang up.

    'Are you still there?' he asked.

    'Yeah,' I said.

    'Stop calling me,' he screamed.

    'Make me,' I said.

    'Who are you?' he asked.

    'My name is Don Hansen.'

    'Yeah? Where do you live?'

    'A**hole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
    my black Beamer parked in front.'

    He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don, and you'd better start
    saying your prayers.'

    I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole,' and hung up.

    Then I called a**hole #2.

    'Hello?' he said.

    'Hello, a**hole,' I said.

    He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

    'You'll what?' I said.

    'I'll kick you're ass,' he exclaimed.

    I answered, 'Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
    right now.'

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
    lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over
    there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the
    gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there
    just in time to watch two a**holes beating the crap out of each
    other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a
    news crew.

    NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.