[Snagged]

THIS IS NOT SO HARD, EVEN A CAVE MAN CAN DO IT....

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected
by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids
about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas
Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been In
charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in
jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected,
and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United
States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right
wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers off on
Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."


Ready to vote???

 

[Gunsmoke]

Snagged, you might like this picture.

 

[Snagged]

Long....

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.


I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

 

[Ragman]

The saddest thing about that story is the fatherless baby.

 

[fonz]

Thanks for the Great Read...

 

[Darren Taylor]

Only a dipsh_t replublican could write something like this. Anyone could do a better job than the republicans have done. Look who you voted in. Need I say more?

 

[Gunsmoke]

Here's one especially for you Darren.

 

[lite-liner]

No you need not say more, please.
The "asses" really have got a strong contingent this time around;
not only the one above, but a muslim that wont even salute the
flag that represents the nation he wants to run.
Not that the other side is any better.
one again it comes to a descision based on "the lesser of the 2 evils".
Fred Thompson is the only person to gather any interest from me.
may end up writing myself in, who knows....... can't do any worse.....
-B

 

[Darren Taylor]

For one, if anyone gets my vote,then it will be John Edwards. And if he were not running then I would pick any Dem over any Rep that is out there.

 

[fathom]

For one, if anyone gets my vote,then it will be John Edwards. And if he were not running then I would pick any Dem over any Rep that is out there.

RON PAUL Read what he is about and decide for yourself.

 

[Snagged]

Bumper Sticker of the Year


Bumper sticker spotted on a Silverado pick-up truck on Loop 610 in Houston, Tx, on Oct 30, 2007


"I WISH HILLARY HAD MARRIED O.J."

 

[Snagged]

Looks like a likely outcome

 

[Gunsmoke]

Here's some more material for Darren.

 

[Bellyups]

LOL Gunsmoke! That bumpersticker is a classic.

 

[TeamOso]

For one, if anyone gets my vote,then it will be John Edwards. And if he were not running then I would pick any Dem over any Rep that is out there.
trial lawyer by day fisherman by night

 

[peterb]

 

[Snagged]

A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT BY SEN. BARACK OBAMA (D- ILL)

My fellow Identity-Americans:

As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for their ...
well, support.

Your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any
legislative achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan
and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting
record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal
behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of
claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is
a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

I would also like to thank the Kennedy's for coming out in support of
me. There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK
started the Vietnam War [Exception: not really--J.], his brother
Robert illegally [?--J.] wiretapped Martin Luther King, Jr. and Teddy
killed a female employee he was having an extra marital affair with
who was pregnant with his child. And I'm not going anywhere near the
cousins, both literally and figuratively.

And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of
meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the
White House.

Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or
achievement, but because I make people feel good. Voting for me causes
some white folk to feel relieved of their imagined, racist guilt.

I say things that sound meaningful, but don't really mean anything
because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have
meaning, then that means you have to think about them.

Americans are tired of thinking.
It's time to shut down the brain, and open up the heart.

So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do.

And do it for me.

Thank You.

 

[Gunsmoke]

Hillary hopes you have forgotten. Have you????

Hillary Clinton has been telling America that she is the most qualified candidate for president based on her "record," which she says includes her eight years in the White House as First Lady - or "co-president" - and her seven years in the Senate. Here is a reminder of what that record includes:

- As First Lady, Hillary assumed authority over Health Care Reform, a process that cost the taxpayers over $13 million. She told both Bill Bradley and Pat Moynahan, key votes needed to pass her legislation, that she would "demonize "anyone who opposed it. But it was opposed; she couldn't even get it to a vote in a Congress controlled by her own party. (And in the next election, her party lost control of both the House and Senate.)

- Hillary assumed authority over selecting a female Attorney General. Her first two reco mmendations (Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood) were forced to withdraw their names from consideration, and then she chose Janet Reno. Janet Reno has since been described by Bill himself as "my worst mistake."

- Hillary recommended Lani Guanier for head of the Civil Rights Commission. When Guanier's radical views became known, her name had to be withdrawn.

- Hillary recommended her former law partners, Web Hubbell, Vince Foster, and William Kennedy for positions in the Justice Department, White House staff, and the Treasury, respectively. Hubbell was later imprisoned, Foster committed suicide (under highly suspicious circumstances which smelled of murder), and Kennedy was forced to resign.

- Hillary also recommended a close friend of the Clintons, Craig Livingstone, for the position of director of White House security. When Livingstone was investigated for the improper access of up to 900 FBI files of Clinton enemies (Filegate) and the wide spread use of drugs by White House staff, both Hillary and her husband denied knowing him. (FBI agent Dennis Sculimbrene Confirmed in a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in 1996 both the drug use and Hillary's involvement in hiring Livingstone. After that, the FBI closed its White House Liaison Office, after serving seven presidents for over thirty years.)

- In order to open "slots" in the White House for her friends the Harry Thomasons (to whom millions of dollars in travel contracts could be awarded), Hillary had the entire staff of the White House Travel Office fired; they were reported to the FBI for "gross mismanagement" and their reputations ruined. After a thirty-month investigation, only one, Billy Dale, was charged with a crime - mixing personal money with White House funds when he cashed checks. The jury acquitted him in less than two hours.

- Another of Hillary's assumed duties was directing the "bimbo eruption squad" and scandal defense:
---- She urged her husband not to settle the Paula Jones lawsuit.
---- She refused to release the Whitewater documents, which led to the appointment of Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor. After $80 million dollars of taxpayer money was spent, Starr's investigation led to Monica Lewinsky, which led to Bill lying about an d later admitting his affairs.
---- Then they had to settle with Paula Jones after all.
---- And Bill lost his law license for lying to the grand jury.
---- And Bill was impeached by the House of Representatives.
---- And Hillary almost got herself indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice (she avoided it mostly because she repeated, "I do not recall," "I have no recollection," and "I don't know" 56 times under oath).

- Hillary accepted the traditional First Lady's role of decorator of the White House at Christmas, but in a unique Hillary way. In 1994, for example, The First Lady's Tree in the Blue Room (the focal point each year) was Decorated with drug paraphernalia, sex toys, and pornographic ornaments, all personally approved by Hillary as the invited artists' depictions of the theme, "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

- Hillary wrote "It Takes a Village," demonstrating her Socialist viewpoint.

- Hill ary decided to seek election to the Senate in a state she had never lived in. Her husband pardoned FALN terrorists in order to get Latino support and the New Square Hassidim to get Jewish support. Hillary also had Bill pardon her brother's clients, for a small fee, to get financial support.

- Then Hillary left the White House, but later had to return $200,000 in White House furniture, china, and artwork she had stolen.

- In the campaign for the Senate, Hillary played the "woman card" by portraying her opponent (Lazio) as a bully picking on her.

- Hillary's husband further protected her by asking the National Archives to withhold from the public until 2012 many records of their time in the White House, including much of Hillary's correspondence and her calendars. (There are ongoing lawsuits to force the release of those records.)

- As the junior Senator from New York , Hillary has passed no major legislation. She has deferred to the senior Senator (Schumer) to tend to the needs of New Yorkers, even on the hot issue of medical problems of workers involved in the cleanup of Ground Zero after 9/11.

- Hillary's one notable vote, supporting the plan to invade Iraq , she has since disavowed.

Quite a resume, isn't it? Sounds more like an organized crime family... Make sure America remembers.

 

[jt2hunt]

Sometimes you wonder what goes on in Washington, because both sides sure as hell are not looking out for the interest of working individuals, especially small business owners.

Democrats, Republicans all disgust me at this point.

Implement the Fair Tax and send control back to local governments. You want free everything, move to Vermont.

 

[jt2hunt]

btw, i guess I might as well piss of as many people as possible.

Edwards supporters have to be the most blind. Anyone that makes their millions of dead babies is disgusting. Go read some transcripts from his courtroom prowess and study what supposed malpractice lawsuits he filed on behalf of grieving parents. And you people have the gall to say healthcare is broken. Really, well go file more frivolous lawsuits against doctors and screw up the system for those patients who are really deserving of money from true malpractice and not emotion generated verdicts. I can hear the heartbeats now!