POS Milk Crate Now Ultimate!

[Uncle Russ]

Bellyups: I just love the expression on that dog's face. It actually looks as though it knows it's going to buy the farm!

As to the dog in question--the one who thinks my leg is Lassie--I don't drink any more--not because I don't like to (and the good news is it doesn't bother me at all to be around people who do--in fact I like the fumes ) but way back in my heavy drinking days, my ex-wife and I lived a little bit down from an old German immigrant lady who walked some kind of mal-formed schauzer type critter on a leash. Whenever she came past our house, she would stop so the dog could crap on our lawn. Now at that time, my self-esteem was kind of low--we were living in a cheap-assed 2-bedroom rent house--not much better than MrBill's and Gunsmoke's double-wides--and sitting out on the front porch listening to country music real loud in a plastic chair with a 5-liter bottle of Carlo Rossi or a quart of Bert Wheeler's Private Stock ($4.39 when that was some real money) was about all I had to make me happy.

So this woman would walk along and let her dog leave a turd on the lawn. What I need to convey here is that hard liquor--and even wine in sufficient quantities--tended to accentuate what my AA group later defined as "...intense, latent anger." At times, I would cuss her out in English and she would yell back at me in German. I knew where she lived, but there were some connections--(my ex worked with her daughter and her granddaughter took piano lessons with my daughter--something like that)--and I told my ex-wife I was going to eat a bunch of fish and all-bran all weekend, then take a triple dose of Milk of Magnesia, and go over there when I knew she was looking, and drop a load on her lawn that would make the Guiness Book of World Records. She (my ex-wife--not the German woman--pleaded with me not to and actually shed tears. My ex never understood me.

The statute of limitations on disorderly conduct expired years ago. My ex-wife and I are (by definition) no longer together.

Russ

[Bellyups]

LOL!!!!! Don't get Uncle Russ mad at you. or this can happen to you!!

[Bellyups]

Now I see how the POS mildcrate really got its name.

[Uncle Russ]

Bellyups: I had a great Aunt Fannie (didn't everyone) and as she used to say: "Well, I'll declare." You and Gunsmoke are positively disgusting to sensitive people like Aunt Fannie and me!

Russ

[STx Fisherman]

Okay....I think I have to throw out a penalty flag.
I didn't need to see the chocolate pretzel....

[hatidua]

Originally Posted by Uncle Russ

--and I told my ex-wife I was going to eat a bunch of fish and all-bran all weekend, then take a triple dose of Milk of Magnesia, and go over there when I knew she was looking, and drop a load on her lawn that would make the Guiness Book of World Records.

Uncle Russ, for the benefit of all, would you please hurry up and rush your first book to press? Winter is just five months away and I'm sure it would be a humorous read

[Uncle Russ]

I do appreciate the compliment, but with Gunsmoke out there, ain't no way. Compared to his yarns (all of which I have no doubt are true) I can't hold a candle to him.

I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy.

[sjohn464]

This is why I come to this board. Can't beat this entertainment at any price...

[Uncle Russ]

sjohn464:With Gunsmoke's posts, you might actually learn something about fishing as well--in between the lessons on (sounds of clearing throat) great vintages, narrow escapes from misunderstandings with officers of the law, and uh, ladies. I'm not kidding--I may let the occasional unintentional humor escape, but Gunsmoke is a folk hero. For those of you old enough to have read Hunter S. Thompson ("Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail,) Gunsmoke represents the last surviving trace of Gonzo journalism on this planet. And MrBill represents the equivalent of Hunter's 300 pound Samoan lawyer. I come here mainly for the incredible fishing advice and discussion--then yeah, a little bit for the humor. What amazes me every morning I wake up is that noone has banned me yet.

Russ

[MrBill]

I hope GS doesn't find this thread. The man has some incredible "Poop" stories. When you eat and drink a combination of things that a crocodile couldn't digest, you tend to find yourself defecating in very strange places.