Berating About Raw Fish (BARF)

[Reaux]

Great post Russ!

It's a subject I can sink my teeth into. For your, I hope, amusement here is a related rant that I recently submitted to a dog list in rebutal to proponets of their version of BARF (Beef And Raw Food) entitled CRAP.

Better known as: Carrion Residue Analysis Project


Periodically on this the list the subject of Glen diets arises. There are
those that feed Kibble, Kibble and meats, and of course those who laud the
benefits of BARFing. Some time ago I undertook a study of what the typical
diet of the wild Canine actually consisted of. Therefore, the purpose of
this note is to place on record such data as are available on the actual
diet of the animal in the family Canidae.


It has been noted that the typical feral dog is an opportunistic eater
consuming such item as; chipmunks, mice, fish heads, rotting carcasses of
various tetrapods, Baby Ruths, hot dogs, grass, and the occasional rabbit
clutch (Ima, 1945). Other studies noted that various spoiled milk products
such as cheese (the ranker the better), green milk, and, curiously enough,
dried ice cream and the container in which it resided were also important
components of the feral dogs' diet (Kidding 1960).


Accordingly, I decided to replicate this typical diet for my own dog. Cost
of the project consisted mainly of 'gas money' as I typically would cruise
back country roads looking for and collecting road kills. On a recent trip to
the south west in less than half and hour I obtained nearly a months worth
of flattened and splattered Armadillos. City streets typically provided
squished and desiccated squirrel carcasses. The sea shore was another
important collecting area, there is nothing like a fly blown Mackerel head
for providing trace elements into the dogs diet. Maggots were ubiquitous in
all items collected and were also an important component of this new diet.


Stool samples were regularly taken, weighed, and then wet sieved to
determine the percentage of undigestible matter which the meal contained.
The results were amazing, what once was a sleek fifty pound Glen soon
became a thirty pound dog, always on the prowl for more road kill. As an
added benefit the new diet occasionally induced the 'urka gurkas' in the
test subject, the resulting ejecta was allowed to dry and was subsequently
repackaged as road treats.


I feel that the C.R.A.P. was a success and highly recommend it as the only
system that truly replicates the wild canine diet.

Reaux

[Bret]

Wow!

[STx Fisherman]

We need blue water.....

[Uncle Russ]

STX: I was thinking that myself. Can you imagine some poor dude who has never been to this site--He thinks "Wow, I can go over to 360tuna and learn all about offshore fishing! Gee whiz!" And then he finds this as his first thread and signs off to take a shower and drink half a bottle of cheap bourbon. It's almost enough to make me feel guilty.

Reaux: I admire you highly scientific types. I'm no biologist, but I'm certain those findings support my theories about raw fish. One thing I do know is that all scavenger and predator species (like the dog and the cat) have very short intestines--something like 10 feet or so--and highly acidic digestive systems--sort of like that green stuff that drips out of the monster's mouth and dissolves the titanium floors, in those "Alien" movies where Sigourney Weaver wears those cute little undershirts with nothing underneath. This enables them to process toxic substances such as those you mention in your post, and get them on out of Dodge at the southernmost point of the northbound pooch. Also, the normal lifespan of the dog is only about 1/6 that of the average person, (provided that person does not eat sushi.) So there is less time during a normal life span for that CRAP to dissolve his liver.

We human beings, on the other hand, have digestive tracts approximately 3 times longer than that of Fido or Mighty Manfred-the-Wonder-Dog, and our digestive juices are much less tailored to dissolving diseased rodents and passing them out the old gut hole in less than 6 hours. Dogs are genetically engineered by the Almighty to eat that stuff. Human beings, (with the almost certain exception of mutations such as Gunsmoke and MrBill), are not.

I have always thought of myself as very dog-like. In point of fact, I subcribe to the Dog Philosophy, to wit: "If you can't eat it, piss on it. If you can't piss on it, hump it." That having been said, I do consider myself superior to the feral dog in one important respect:

When confronted with a choice between eating sushi or my own turds, I will always choose the latter.

Assuming the moderators have not had the good taste to ban me, we can discuss this futher. In the meantime, enjoy your dinner.


Russ

[Deep_Sea_Gull]

This last post leads me to think that you are a sh!t eating preacher with no respect for me....
I said BS on the first post and called PUI (Posting Under Influence).
I know that you are just stirring the pot. My preacher reference is too.
I will in the future keep my opinions to myself on your subjects to myself (even derailing a thread) because you profess NO RESPECT FOR A SUSHI EATER!

You need to learn that sushi has cooked rice underneath it... Sashimi is where it's at....

I would recommend that you not attack people's value systems in your posts. They tend to click on the ignore this poster button...

[jt2hunt]

can i just get all of gunsmokes posts emailed to me, and/or responses to threads!

[jt2hunt]

Richard?????? when are we going fishing...and tell jerry to bring some of those friends i keep seeing!

[hatidua]

Originally Posted by Uncle Russ

When confronted with a choice between eating sushi or my own turds, I will always choose the latter.

That's bumper-sticker material right there.

[Uncle Russ]

Seagull: It's actually a lucky thing that there was no internet available back when I actually came under the influence (like every night or so). Somebody might have killed me. (Hell--they may now!) But don't click that "Ignore" button--I'll be good--I promise.

j2hunt: Gunsmoke is my hero. No joke--I mean that. The moderators need to create a single thread with all of his great ones in it so that you can go back and re-read them every six months or so like War and Peace.

hatidua: My favorite bumper sticker of all time was:

"IF YOU HATE COPS, NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, TRY CALLING A HIPPIE."

Russ

[MrBill]

Originally Posted by Uncle Russ

[b]
Gunsmoke is my hero. No joke--I mean that.
Russ

Oh my God. The man has enough of an ego for all of us. I hope he doesn't read this thread as he might post more of his stories. I don't really mind hearing a repeat of a story, it's the new ones that scare me. Something happens to that guy every day. Some people just attract and thrive on creating an incident.

The first time I ever met anyone from a fishing board was down in CC at Roy's. It was the CC Tunaheads. They asked me to join them at Floyd's for breakfast. They questioned the hell out of me about GS. I made the mistake and told him he had a following. His face lit up with a big smile.

Then the smile turned into a frown as he wondered if the CC guys were some sort of a cult. I tried my best to convince that he didn't have to pack heat with him in case he had to shoot a cult member.

One evening last year, I rode with him to the coast. He was was mixing his hand made Margarita's and BS-ing me the whole way down. Of course, he had a good enough buzz to make me pull up to that Strip Club he frequents in CC. After about 10 lap dances we left and he was hungry. I took him to Floyd's.

He had been there before, but wasn't in the mood to eat "Christian" food. Floyd's sign says something like "A Christian Restaurant". We sat there for about 30 minutes in the parking lot while he continued to mix drinks and tell me why he is such a devout Catholic. What a bunch of crock. He thinks if you give the church money, you are exempt from attending. I heard about thirty minutes of how the gates to heaven are going to open so wide when he dies, that they might come off the hinges.

Anyway, we finally went inside and he had a 44mag in his shorts just in case some cult member attacked him. That poor waitress had to hear all about his Christan life as his sipped on his liabation. (a $20 bill pre tip let us drink) I almost couldn't keep a straight face at times. So Russ, don't encourage the guy.